As an inmate did you have to live alongside a bully for your whole sentence?

I swear some men can smell it on me, doctor say I'm imagining it but other men say they absolutely smell the victim on me I'm an easy mark it makes sense, especially two men that are predators but I still stand with the question if there's any man out there that will tell me about what was going on in your mind when you raped another guy or lets just say made him do XYorZ Im not going to judge you just talked to me about it help me out help me to understand it, I would like to ask you some questions and have you answered them honestly if anything you'll be doing some good down the line after what you did in the past.

Oh and no, I didn't get anything from the state or County didn't even get a fucking apology instead I got what I am today now this I'm uneducated don't have a great job don't have any job right now poor I live nightmares night terrors panic attacks if I'm stuck in close quarters with big men I've been victimized by a group of men since then years later because it just smelt on me I've been told I've been told that it was a big stink they could just pick up on it and they victimized me I didn't ask for it I didn't want it and I don't want it. Yes in order for me to be stimulated I need the scenario but I don't want to be ever used and abused and handled like that ever again some role play with some rough BDSM folks that I met online is the only way now that I can enjoy myself like a man.

I'm going to admit one of the strangest things in this subject matter is that I can listen to that tape better than and easier than I can speak of the event somehow speaking of the event is more living it than listening to it even though when I listen to that I remember exactly what was happening and when it was happening but to speak it somehow makes it real to listen to it somehow was just like a replay very strange the way the brain works under trauma

Why do men think all women are the same?

Below this line is the original answer to the question I apologize to the readers. And remember some of you guys are sending some of those really cruel horrible things you're saying come on you're affecting somebody that's real here is a real human being not just a screen again I read them all some of those things you guys said were pretty out there only with the intent to further hurt and that just tells me you're hurting and something was done to you but if you got to do it go ahead bring it on. But in all those folks that are sending me p.m. it would be nice to hear from just one of these people that have done this in jail to a boy or young man.

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I have a hard time dealing with that today I really do I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I had a climax many many times by there abusing hands and I'm a boy I'm a man and I would masturbate I mean after a few months you try to start finding new ways to adapt to the abuse and I will admit here now that yes a few times I did masturbate myself while they raped me in the mouth they would tease me about it and one man would absolutely command me to choke it boy choke it or get punched , to do it to myself while he was doing something to me one guy who would take me in the bottom with my legs up in the air would reach down and do it to me and I would try to push his hand away even though there was another man straddle over my head in my mouth while he was in my bottom well I guess I'll just say it he was in my ass that was the man that apologized to me a little bit he would do that to me, personally I thought that was the cruelest part of him messing with me because when I would orgasm I would let out a noise of pleasure it's so confusing right now it's very confusing to imagine that but what does it take for a man to do that in a group would it have happened if it was just one man and me and there would he have done the same thing one of those guys? Or does it take the group kind of mentality of like a pack of dogs but when do they verbalize to each other or do they actually say hey let's go rape that man or that boy or does it just kind of happened with the testosterone and one after another falls into the Trap of following the group I believe there was one gentleman absolutely who was following the group and was afraid what would happen to him if he didn't, he apologized to me a couple of times it did absolutely no good I didn't believe it but I remember his apologizing to me in chow line. Apologize to me in my ear every once in awhile he wrote me an apology Note One Time so I really believe that for the most part he was sucked into it by the group and he would have probably been in my position if he hadn't but that doesn't excuse it I mean he didn't have to be so rough he was cvlearly enjoying himself he got into it and I can remember every single event that took place I can categorize them almost in order they don't all blur together I can remember every single time one of those men went in my mouth I can remember the words spoken and yelled at me and said in my ears almost verbatim I can remember the taste the saltiness the taste in my mouth 4 days after I got out of there still it seems like months I had the taste in my mouth and at the time I went in had my first girlfriend so now today still a virgin and as I said in this body of text I have to have a similar kind of environment or situational experience in order to be excited physically it's a horrifyingly embarrassing shameful thing to have to admit.

Week in Review: Perplexity Labs wants to do your work - TechCrunch

OK i realize all the horrible,e spelling, and formatting errors here, I promise to go in and slowly start editing and fixing, I had to bang it out so fast without even looking up if I would have looked up I would have seen the caps were locked on. I can barely resite the story in its most basic outlined terms, If I had stopped and proofed it I would have deleted it as I cant easily go into it in that way as I re-live much of the trauma, maybe some guys are more resilient or “brave” but it's only just recently in this year literally that I've had the power and The Bravery to type it out even it's near impossible to even speak of it from my own mouth to hear the words out loud causes me to go into hyperventilation panic attacks I mean I've been literally traumatized for life I didn't mention it in the beginning because I had to just get right to the storyline I was a 4.0 student at the University I had no criminal history ever never any problem at all with the law I was falsely picked up by some cop who thought I fit vaguely a description of a perp of some store that got robbed they threw me in jail knowing I didn't have anything to do with it. but it took seven months to prove my innocence I lost my home I lost my job I lost my scholarship I lost many of the friends that had to distance themselves from me just by the accusation alone it was a horrible robbery and pistol-whipping of the store clerk and the store clerk was a retired police captain of some sort, but most people had to distance themselves from me of course, after that even when you're found innocent it's still on my record today I lost everything I lost all my belongings because I couldn't afford to pay for it they were all put in the storage by my friends, and they couldn't pay for it anymore they moved on they left and moved on in life I was bound for MIT Boston, I worked my butt off in high school to get Great grades when I hated High School I was around a bunch of morons but I did what I was supposed to do I was disciplined I was good to my teachers I was a good student tutor and that's what I got in the state of Colorado for coming to their state to go to college I still have scar tissue in my rear end that I can't have a bowel movement without daily softeners, it makes sense to me now probably doesn't to do is reading this but my doctor say it's good that I can speak of it the more I speak of it verbally or type of it verbally in typing the more I'm coming to terms with it I guess I mean something must be happening because I can type it and talk about it a little bit now even two years ago would have been impossible absolutely impossible I would break down in tears and sobbing and hiding under a desk somewhere in the dark I would have felt like jumping off a bridge and trying to kill myself which I tried to do a couple times but I decided that they took all that from me why should I give them my life I did everything I could to survive in that situation and now let them kill me now would I recognize any of them if they pass me on the street. I don't know sometimes I think I do but I must be wrong what would I do many of you are emailing me or private messaging me and I appreciate most of your emails a couple of you are pretty unfair in a couple were hurtful intentionally and rude and disgusting that's fine I read them all. look after what I took I can take anything you put in typed words and I don't care I suggest that most of you typing some of those horrible mean things that you wrote couldn't have taken one day of what I endured for 7 months there honestly I don't think I could take it today I dont know how I did then because I had to and it was in shock and the horrors thrusted upon me that I didn't have time to think about it I just had to, it was one long day after the next by the third day there was no difference between one day or the next it was just a long horrifyingly extended day for 7 months so yeah the doctor say it's positive in a sense that I am able to talk about it a little easier and so any excuse to do so I suppose is healing but it sure doesn't feel like healing even this very minute in a way it's kind of like group but alone right now finding this website my story was very well known it was part of the congress's motivation to start the prison anti-rape Act behind closed doors sealed and locked so I'm not being snide or being a snot when I ask seriously I'm inviting men to anonymously or just PM me if you like, asking of men that have found themselves for whatever reason when in jail did you assault other men what did it feel like how were you motivated to do what ever you did? will you talk to me about it privately I'm not going to judge you I'm not going to out you in any way, I would like to know what was going on in those men's minds because I don't think they would do it outside on the street some of them had kids some of them were absolute animals, there was two other guys it was happening to as well but I guarantee you the focus was on me from my perspective there was three of us at a time in that jail being passed around but I was the prettiest by far the youngest boy at 21 long blond hair pure smooth body with no hair on it and I'll add I'm albino so all my body is Pink my genitalia is Pink my bottom is pink my lips are pink , and yes many of you have asked me if I actually had orgasms while they did this to me yes of course I did it's embarrassing and humiliating to admit yes of course I did one man would manually do that to me while being raped in the mouth I think it was they wanted me to cooperate more I was already cooperating I don't know why he would do that to me maybe to mess with my head more I don't know cuz I dont know maybe they were purposely traumatizing me making my body climax while doing the Unspeakable to me making me a participant and not an objector in that way maybe that's how they would defy or deny any wrongdoing as far as saying well he had orgasms it was consensual then I still have the audio tape that was played in the Congress hearing of apparently the guards somebody in their machine that they have the intercoms in the cells recorded multiple times of me being raped and it's all on the tape I don't think they were recording me it was just always running that was their alternative to cameras yet they didn't have cameras but they had audio in the intercoms and it was always recording and to hear that back it's hard to believe it's me in that recording you can hear me being totally thrashed and taken and all their verbal commands and then at one point you can hear me letting out a scream and then crying some more and then my mouth just full and muffled sounds and them using the f words to suck it pretty boy two of the recordings in particular very very detailed and revealing. Congress has the copies and I guess my attorneys. and me are the only ones that have the recordings.

dehumanizing, humiliating having to see them every day and look at them knowing it was coming any time again, made me feel less than human-like an object not valued, like I was their property and no way out trapped and having no choice but to get through it and survive. When i was just 21 years of age I was put into a midwest Colorado county jail for something I had nothing to do with, I was a thin framed long blond hair all smooth body with no body hair by a rare condition I was born with, By the thrid day I was gang-raped by multiple men and it continued for months day after day with an occasional missed day and only because I was in the infirmary or was in court but the cellmate and his sidekick I was in with were two of the perpetrators and there was not one night after that third day that I was not forced to orally service them both not a single nite was missed and least once a night but more often twice a night after lights out and when he decided he and the other man decided around 1.30 am or so that they would aproch my bunk and if I was not already in the nbude I was handled even rougher as a form of making me do as they said, anyone that says rape is not about sexz is wrong, yes it was about control but I was all of 155 pounds wet and these guys were like huge men I was a boy A BOY they used their penises and forcing me to swallow as a form of power and humiliation but in the end it always resulted in every one of them making in my mouth and violently pushing me away into the waiting hands of the next and on and on, I had never had a homosexual experience except when kids you know kids you show me yours etc. It was made clear to me that I had better get with the program or I may not have left there alive or walking. Its a mircle I did not catch aids, what I don't understand is why were these men so mad and angry with me they did not need to prove their size and power to me, I was under NO illusions, I kept toi myself dId not smart off I was polite and I was litarly passed around as a blow boy they called me, and in front of the guards, literally one time as he walked by and I was crying on my knees with a man in my mouth pumping my mouth saying FUCKING SUCK IT I SAID FUCKING LOOK UP AY ME WHE YOU SUCK MY COCK FAGGOT AND HIS BUDDY PUSHING ON ThE BACK OF MY HEAD saying in my ear suck it fucking suck it god damn it while he would probe my back side WHILE HE WAITED FOR HIS TURN WITH A TOTAL OF FIVE MEN AROUND ME AND ME NAKED AND THE GUARD SAYS, GET THIS, GO EASY ON HIM NOW BOYS GO EASY , THEY JUST ALL SNICKERED AND SAID WE ARE WE ARE HE IS HAVING FUN AREN'T YOU BLOW BOY AND HE GRAB MY HEAD AND SHAKE IT UP AND DOWN WHILE THE OTHER WAS STILL IN MY MOUTH AND THEN GET SLAPPED FOR FEELING MY TEETH AND WHEN HE WOULD RELEASE HE WOULD YELL OUT WHAT SHALL IT BE BOYS COAT THE THROAT OR PAINT THE FACE HE WOULD GRAB MY HAIR LIKE THE RAINS OF A FUCKING HORSE AND AS HE WOULD LET GO IN MY MOUTH MAKE YEA HA AND THEN PULL IN SO HARD I COULD NOT BREATH, AND BEFORE A COULD EVEN COLLECT ME SELF ANOTHER MAN WAS IN MY MOUTH, THEY WERE MEAN AND ANGRY NOT MAKING LOVE, LOOK I DID NOT HAVE ANY KIND A GAY FANTASY, AND THEY MADE IT CLEAR WHAT I WAS TO DO TO SURVIVE THEY DID NOT HAVE TO BE SO VIOLENT AND VERBALLY AGGRESSIVE AFTER TRYING TO REFUSE THE FIRST TIME AND WAKING UP IN THE INFIRMARY SMELLING OF PISS AND SEMEN FROM ALL THEM PISSING ON ME I WAS TAKEN BACK THE NEXT DAY AND TOLD THAT WAS JUST AN EXAMPLE I SAID OK OK PLEASE DONT HURT ME IL DO IT I PROMISE TO DO MY BEST IM NOT GAY AND DONT KNOW AND WHAMM PUNCHED N HEAD FOR SAYING GAY THE SAID THEY ARE STRAIGHT AND I AM THEIR BITCH AND BLOW BOY AND MADE ME REPEAT THINGS , YES THEY PROBED MY BUTT I WAS A LITTLE TINY GUY AND SO TIGHT THAT I WAS BLEEDING AND I BEGGED THEM TO PLEASE NO PLEASE ILL DO BETTER ON MY KNEES AND THAT MOSTLY WORKED BUT THEY HAD RAPED ME BACK TEHER I WOULD FELT LIKE I HAD SPLIT IN HALF, AND PROBABLY NEEDED STITCHES FOR SURE, TWO OF THEM WERE TO THIS DAY HAD THE BIGGEST MENS GENITALS I HAVE EVER SEEN THEIR TESTICLES WERE THE SIZE OF MY FISTS AND THEY WOULD LITERALLY CAUSE ME TO CHOKE ON THE SHEER AMOUNT OF FLUID, AND NOW iM STILL A VIRGIN NOT YET HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, I CAN ONLY BE STIMULATED IF I AM IN A SUBSERVIENT POSITION OF A ALPHA MALE THAT HANDLES ME VERY AGGRESSIVELY AND SPEAKS AGGRESSIVELY AND THIS IS NOT WHO I WAS,. I'M IN THERAPY STILL AND TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE TWICE. THEY RAPED ME HUNDREDS OF TIMES AND LAUGHED AND TALKED FREELY OF IT AROUND THE CELL BLOCK, mY CELL MATE and his sidekick as well, This went on for many months I was stripped naked and verbally humiliated but that was almost nothing compared to being made to orally service these multiple men that were easily three times my size. tHE OINLY GENITAL TOUCHING OF ME WAS ONE ASS HOLE LIKED TO SQEEZ MY TESTICLES WHILE I WAS SUCKING HIS BUDDY AND MAKE ME CRY OUT BUT WITH A FULL MOUTH. ONE GUY HATED THAT I HAD AN ERECTION IN THE BEGINNING AND WOULD COMMAND ME TO RUB IT OUT AND I DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT SO I WOULD DO IT AND GET IT RUBBED IN MY FACE AND HAIR AND THEN THE RAPING WOULD START 15 TO 20 MIN A MAN, HOW DO THEY LIVE WITH THEMSELVES TODAY. IF THERE ARE ANY MEN HERE THAT HAVE DONE THESE SORTS OF ACTS IN JAIL CAN YOU JUST TELL ME WHY AND DO THEY REMEMBER WHAT THEY DID TODAY? DO THEY FEEL ANY REMORSE FOR THE UNSPEAKABLE THINGS THAT I HAVE NOT EVEN HINTED AT HERE THEY DID AND MADE ME DO AS A GAME AND CONTEST AT TIMES? ONE THING I LEARNED IS TO ALWAYS LOOK UP AT MY RAPEST WHEN TOLD TO. AND TO STOP CRYING. I'M BEING HONEST HERE I AM TRULY INTERESTED IN WHAT THE MINDSET IS AS THEY WOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS ON THE OUTSIDE, WAS IT A PACK MENTALITY, BOREDOM HORNY? i WAS 21 AND HORNY AND NEVER FOR A MOMENT WOULD HAVE DREAMED OF DOING ANYTHING LIKE THEY DID. EVEN IF I WAS IN A POSITION OF FULL CONTROL OF LESSER BULT MEN I WOULD HAVE RESPECTED THEIR PRIVACY AND BEEN RESPECTFUL. WAS IT A SHOW-OFF OF MACHOISM, BUT HOW MACHO IS IT TO RAPE A SCARED YOUNG BOY AND GANG BANG HIM CAUSING TRAMA, I AM A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON AFTER THAT, NOTHING IS THE SAME I CAN'T BE IN AN ELEVATOR WITH ANOTHER HUMAN IN IT. STAIRWELLS FORGET IT, I COULD NOT EAT HARDLY AND LOST ALMOST 50 POUNDS INSIDE MY JAW BECAME DISPLACED AND LOCKED, I WAS A CUM DUMP FOR A BUNCH OF STRAUGHT MEN, YEA STRAIGHT IM SO SURE,